i close my eyes, and the flashback starts.

hey guys.
thanks for not thinking i was dead.
anyway, we had our exams yesterday and this morning, and i wasn't able to study because something happened thursday night. so much for cramming. seriously, i had never cried so much in my life. i woke up, and my eyes were really sore and my head was spinning.
so anyway, i went to school without any studying. it was a good thing Vanessa E.'s such a great seatmate, she helped me out. she's such a good friend. she helped me out on everything, and the only time i helped her out was in computer. everyone, except for Anna and me had kodigo's from other sections, but i didn't copy it cause i already felt guilty about cheating on everything else. so yeah. we just wrote codes for computer, and that was easy for me. ;D speaking of computer, i already found a program to make. tic-tac-toe. lolz. but my teacher said it's supposed to be educational, geez. heellp!
gah, my average went from 90.34 to 90.15. ugghhh. i always tell myself to start studying, but i just can't seem to really sit down and study. there's always something else to do, and i hate myself for that.
now that monthly exam is done, i have the NDEA to worry about next. on top of that, i'm the managing/feature/editor-in-chief for the Chronicle. actually, i'm not the real EIC. i our english teacher assigned someone else, but he's not the bossy type, soo. i have to figure out what logo we're gonna use, and create a script for the comic strip cause the cartoonist we have is pretty pervy and he keeps drawing crazy cleavages and he puts "jejeje" on the speech bubbles-which is soo stupid and cheap and everything. ew

forgive me for not replying to your messages and not posting on your cboxes. i've been reading your posts, but my mind's not working properly. and i can't think of what to type. ugh
last week was freaking awesome, this week is the total opposite. the sun's too hot and i get headaches every morning. egad. our convocation was this morning, and we had a program coz for our principal's birthday so i was absent, since it was gonna be in the gym and it's wayy to hot there. yesterday we had this Philippine Aptitude Classification Test. I was all dizzy that morning. so i just did the vocabulary stuff and the proofreading part. then i used a calculator to solve math and i just answered the shapes stuff in random. i spelled out EC on my answer sheet for Tests C & D. i don't really care how i did anymore. stupid test. at least we didn't have chem.

lol at chem. last monday a lot of girls were all, i have a gown na! and we were talking and gushing and everything then i guess Macario got pretty pissed off. he was like, "get 1/2 crosswise." then PM sat next to Janilyne, who's excellent at chem andMacario was like, "di kamo mangopya da ha, bantayan niyo lang gid kay pang ~forgot what he said~ ko kamo" and i was like, "anong number ng DepEd man?" and he got really mad. then he said, "walang magpahiram ng calculator. ilabas niyo mga calculator niyo. kung wala kayong calculator, lumabas kayo." i was surprised by how many we were. 30+ students got out of the classroom, including myself and we were all laughing at Macario and i yelled, "ambot ah, wala pulos na teacher!" and then he got out and i ran and hid and he was all, "sino yang gasigaw jan? pang dapalon ko gid kamo." and everyone went silent. lol at least they didn't tell on me. then we spent the rest of the 45 minutes solving rubik's cube, texting, sleeping and Klier and i continued talking about her prom dress. and that was when i made up with tezza, Daniel was helping me out with the last move on the rubik's cube and she was looking at me and i was like, "ano?" and we laughed and people were like, "uy vanessa! ang boses mo!"
oh well, there goes my chance of ever understanding limiting reactants. xDD
gotta go, i have to figure out what to do for our computer project-we're supposed to make an original program on visual basic. help!

so yesterday we had a visit from NDEA, FAPE[no idea what that could mean.] and some other organization to check up on the students under the service contract and voucher, to make sure that there weren't any "ghost students". we were all grouped according to last name, so i was with students E-O, all under the service contract and it was pretty cool to see how other students were during classes. and it`s funny cause the teachers would say that the lower sections were better than us, but they weren`t. we were all the same-we all didn`t pay attention during Filipino, we all made the wildest guesses during geom, and we all found it hard to figure out how to make our reports in english, so we pretty much had a blast.
There were 15 St. Jude students in our class and we were all seated in one corner, and when the bell rang, (for the first time in two years,) we actually went downstairs to have recess! lolz. see, half of the students in our class never take recess. for various reasons: saving up, studying, copying other people`s homework, or in my case, sleeping. (;
so anyway, there we were, all 15 of us, off to the college canteen which i haven`t seen in months. we saw other St. Jude students and we were all, "omygosh guys, akala ko kami lang bumaba ba.", or "uy! musta bagong section? (we were in St. Bartholomew), kadami niyo ba.. or "shet part, namiss ko kamo!" the canteen wasn`t full, to my surprise. and it looked really cool-there was this batchoyan thing and they had an extension which looked like the ones you line up for in the cafeterias of public schools in the US or something-but the tables and chairs were different. There were wooden tables,but they looked more like the ones you`d see in a garden restaurant, or something like that. lolz. i can`t believe pinupuri ko ang school. well, might as well go all the way! combine all the holidays we`re having on January & February = a week. chyeaa. chyeaa. one week of no classes! xDD i forgot all the schedules, but that`s ll i can remember.

so, back to topic. E-O, right? so there's 1. Llido, 2. Mana-ay, 3. Mendoza-lolz okay, don`t think i`m a lezbo, she was my yabz for a year and a month!
so i used to pray that we`d be friends again, but i realized it`s just not possible. i would flinch when he accidentally touched my arm while trying to grab my chem paper, and when he talked to me, my friends say i would blush. that`s okay, actually, yesterday was the first time we talked in.. 7 months, i think. we're gonna go back to pretending each other doesn`t exist on monday.
in other news...
i finally got New Moon back. my cousin was like, "i`m not finished with it yet..so where`s eclipse?" & i thought, noo. that isn`t possible. i checked my journal/diary, and it`s been with her for a month. did she actually think she was having it as long as she want?! huh. she`s not getting her hands on eclipse and breaking dawn. i don`t want them to go brown. heck, eclipse only got out of the house ONCE since i got it!
As for Tessa, i'll swallow my pride and talk to her again. ;) we watched the mist for english, btw. i hated every minute of it, and i am surprised that critics loved it. speaking of critics, we were asked to write a review. I learned my lesson and i won`t be letting Shariah read it this time. I made two, a narrative and a descriptive. i dunno what to pass. ;)

P.S. i finally finished the rubik`s cube! lolz. i combined Bruce, Kenneth and Ariel`s patterns. hurray for me! ((;

geez. screw prom. this is why i hate dressing up-i don't know what i want! ugh. that's it. i give up. i'm renting a dress and use the rest of the money for(you guessed it!) moar books. ugh. i'll wear something better next year. lolz. okay. i actually do have a dress in mind, but i don't think i can pull it off. hah.

pretty, huh? it's supposed to be blue and of course it's supposed to be longer than that. (;
alice is gonna kill me. i'm wearing something off-the-rack! haha

btw, the whole twilight fandom here in tacurong is so annoying na. back when only me and ate camille knew about it, i was so happy cause we had a secret no one else in tactown[as greysh once said] knows of(except mina, but she doesn't really count coz she's not obsessed like we are.lolz). anyway, blind item.

this girl bought all four books at once in hardbound and she's all obsessed with it na. oh please, and i read one of her GMs from shariah and she put the "you nicknamed my daughter after the loch ness monster?!" line on her.. what do them text people call it? 'signature'? whatever. and shariah even read it as loch, not lock. hahaha. ((; and she told me she uses different twilight quotes on her GMs. i doubt she even understood anything off it! i`m not selfish or anything, i just loathe it when people suddenly become twilight "addicts" because of the damn movie.

the weather today is awesome. i won't be online for long, i'm gonna enjoy outside.lolz.
it was pretty cold til 9 or something. my weather. ;DD

prom is on feb. 14th. partner, check. dress? ugh. i don't know what to wear! its fairy tale-themed, but some of my classmates don't really plan on wearing something fairy tale-inspired so yeah.
i've been out all week because i've been sleeping early, and doing school stuffs during the afternoon. i haven't been late once. ;DD

so, Friday night was the last night of Tezza's grandmother. i didn't come.. of course i wanna be there to comfort her, but i'm such an effing coward nga. so when my classmates asked me to come with and i'd refuse and they'd ask why, i'd simply say to them: "i'm ok, i've been praying for her, i think that's enough." PM and Valerie made up with Tezza last Tuesday..i kind of what to be friends with her again, because honestly, it gets tiring to be mad at someone for so long.but i don't miss her-not at all. and then this little voice in my head would say: why should i make up with her? she hasn't even changed. great, there goes my pride again.

we've been having a lot of quizzes lately, especially the NDEA subjects. we're having a long quiz on ap on monday. gawd. this school crap is killing me--on top of that, prom! urgh. okay..i know i said before that i'm not going to prom this year, but apparently it's compulsory. and if i don't come,[disease, family affair, death, wedding, nasunog ang dress, etc,.] i'm gonna be forced to walk around school wearing a dress while i`m having my clearance signed. awesome, huh? lollerz.

so my cousin borrowed New Moon. and i totally regret it. she got it last december pa.. and she hasn't returned it yet. ugh. i bet it's gonna be all brown and bent on the spine when i get it back. i hate my twilight books, the paper turns brown easily. buti pa yung HP ko, it's been a year and 5 months now and it still looks awesome. as in better than Breaking Dawn. fudging Twilight.

P.S. Taylor gained 19lbs. for New Moon. chyeaa. haha.

my first day back was fine. a lot of people were out; some were taking exams because they participated in RSPC, while some were absent. Bruce was hospitalized(but he says it's nothing major), Precious is still in Ilo-Ilo, Valerie is sick, and Tezza's grandmother just died of breast cancer. I feel so bad for her-she was the one who cared for her grandmother whom she lives with since stage 1, now she's gone. I want to be there for her and all because I'm still her friend even though we're going through hard times right now, but I'm scared that she'll use this reason for us to be friends again; I know it's a pretty crappy reason, but it's just that i don't know what to say when I see her.I mean, I can't just talk to her there like nothing's wrong with us or something, then go back to pretending I don't know her when this is done, right??

my first day back is just fine--despite the fact that we did nothing but make noise all day cause we didn't have anything to do but check test papers. well, almost-we got our NDEA reviewers for AP and we wrote about our 2008 for our reflection in religion--because i'm scared, still scared. because i might get suspended anytime. See, i've been late since freshman year and i've finally gotten on Ma'am Aruelo a.k.a Horroruelo's nerves, and she said last year that I'm getting suspended when I come back on January-which is now. duuhhh. (ulollerz). I still went to school today. Early, this time. (I'm not suspended today, and that's awesome.)Because I'm scared that if she sees me late again. she might get me suspended for real na, which is bad.Let's just hope this works.

btw, my exam scores are horrible! I got 49/50 on AP, 58/60 on PEHM, 47/60 on English, and tentenenen.. 16/50 on math! xDD We haven't got the rest of our results yet, and I hope they're not like english and math. math is crazyy(only 4 passed, and their scores range from 26-34). I can't wait for our results in chem! lolz.

so how was everyone else's day back? ( ;

the year-ender thing felt sort of required, but the new year's resolutions? erm.. i don't think i have enough will-power to actually do them, but i'm supposed to be more optimistic this year so here goes! lolz

1) be more optimistic. because i'm the most negative person ever. before i do something, i would tell myself "yeah, but you'd fail so don't put too much effort"-of course i would fail! expecting too much, is bad for me. because i take rejection very, very badly. and when bad stuff happens, you get to pick between two things: you become bad, or you learn from it. i must learn to do the latter.

2) control my temper(and my tongue). when i'm mad, i get really mad. i would speak everything that's on my mind and not care who gets hurt by my words.

3) save more. i think this is on everyone's list. i need to save more talaga. even if i don't plan on buying anything, who knows diba? one time, i went out with my classmates and there was this thing i wanted to buy but unfortunately, i didn't have money. and when i did, out of stock na daw. i don't want that to happen again.

4) be more sociable. this, i think, is the hardest. on New Year's Eve, my cousinslashpartner-in-crime RD told me that if we weren't cousins, she didn't think we would be close. i asked her why, and she told me na i'm always silent daw. i'm loud, i know that, but i am often at loss for words. which brings us to

5) expand the vocab. i actually have a notebook filled with words i've come across and their meanings and them being used in a sentence. words from books i've read, movies, and such. it's about time i peruse it.

6) get a course. i only hava a year and a few months left, and i still don't know what i want to do and what to take up for college. good luck to me. ;D

7) clean the room. i've been too lazy to clean up kasi, especially when i'm caught up with books.

i'm rereading Deathly Hallows. i have the worst memory ever(as you all may know) and i forgot what happened. i'm on page 250 something, and i have to finish it before i go back to school.
speaking of school, i'm gonna try not to use my backpack na. haha. my sister gave me a sort-of shoulder bag and i bet Klier's gonna be shocked, because i told her i wouldn't be caught dead using them and that i hate them soo much. xD

have an awesome 2009 everyone! (;