i close my eyes, and the flashback starts.

you say hep hep, i say hep hep.

we went to poly yesterday morning and had the PYC. it's not provincial youth camp anymore, now it's provincial youth Conference. Anyway, I don't know if i remember talking about it here, but tita ann~yssa's mom and mommy's good friend wants Yssa to be active in YFC again, so i forced mom to force tita ann into making yssa come to the PYC. and tita didn't know that we weren't so close like we used to be anymore, but she told mommy to tell me to call yssa up. so i forced val to do it instead. ah, the perks of having a twin sister. (: anyway, yssa said she'd like to come, but she doesn't have much friends in yfc so we told her that inna would come if she would come. then inna cancelled at the last minute so i asked inna not to tell yssa so she'd still come. i wanted us so bad to be good friends again, so super effort talaga. but when i saw her, it was like how landon used to look at jamie before they hooked up. i felt bad about myself and stuff and was in awe with how somebody could change like that. no offense to mina, yeye and ate camille, but she's totally siena-ized. lol. very diplomatic, and so damn prim and proper. i was so intimidated. it felt like the first time i saw yeye after i looked through our elementary pictures the night before. i was soo freaking intimidated. but i'm not now,(with yeye) of course. i was like, "woah. where did all that come from?!" and it felt weird, like i did something bad or something. when i looked at her. later i realized, i did. i ruined our friendship. it would be so convenient to put the blame on somebody, but i won't do that. I believed the lies, and i helped spread them. it was still my fault. and i simply can't act like it didn't happen.

so i decided that maybe, we can be friends again or something. see, there were different teams during the conference. Mariz Lacorte, who was with Yssa, was in the yellow team, and i was in the purple team and Yssa was in pink with Jassen and Vanessa Buenacosa. And so i switched teams for her and i went with the pink team. Then Valerie found out and she was the chapter head and she told the youth head about it and i got in a lot of trouble for what i did. and yssa was like, "dito ka na lang sa pink" because she wasn't really friends with pande and van-van, and i felt pretty bad cause i promised inna i would be all fc with her. and i was happy, cause at least, she wanted me to be in the same team with her. so i said to myself i'd make it up to her later. then i texted rd to help me out in the FC department, and she gave me these tips and stuff but they didn't work because we just didn't click. she used to be like the nicer one and i used to be the one who would snap at people all the time. for example, she thought this multicab was going to Tacurong when it was going to Isulan and she was all, "ayoko magsakay jan, puno man yan" and all I said was "ako rin, puro lalake pa gid". When i'm sure you'd bet i would have said something along the lines of "Paano ka magsakay jan eh pa-isulan yan, tayo pa-tacurong?".. and when i said something wrong last night, she was all corrective and everything. and that was so not the Yssa i knew. she was all grown up and i was there acting like i was 5 years younger. I used to just see this on television and wonder what happened to my sister and her best friend from high school but now i now what it's like. We totally drifted apart. I honestly thought that i could still patch things up, but i guess i can't. So it's time to say goodbye to sharing the same diary and telling tita ann we're gonna talk about something important instead we talk on the phone for hours. I'll get over it. I know I will. ((:

Even though the whole yssa thing didn't go so well, i'm glad i tried. i hate asking myself what if?

during the praise and fashion. some girl and Leonard, Rey and May8, Umpa and Aileen.

anyway, the PYC was great. yabz is back! lol. she went on yfc hiatus because her tita doesn't like yfc but now she's gone, soo yea. (: i tried not to sleep but i gave up around 3:45 in the morning. then around 6 we went back to Tacurong~yssa and i were on the same tricycle when we were going home~ and slept until 3pm.

I'm ending my 12 forever thing, from now on I'm gonna try to act more mature. good luck to me!